Funnies

Oh I love Andy Dick. Thanks to Mika for pointing out this video clip of Andy as Bush’s speechwriter that made me both cringe and laugh out loud.

Customer Service Robots

I would like to make a documentary on the customer service gnomes behind the curtain at big online merchants like Amazon and Netflix. I have been going in circles with each company for the past few days…just managing to wade through all of the FAQ information to find a page where you can actually contact them is difficult enough, but then once you do email them they send another boilerplate email that is related to but does not answer your question, and which does not allow a reply. So you start the cycle again… I think they should assume that anyone intelligent enough to get past their FAQ defenses and find the “email-us” page is intelligent enough to have a legitimate question that is not already answered in the FAQ, and therefore should get a response from a human being. 

I did eventually get a response from a human being in each case, after going a few rounds. I want to know who these people are, and how these things eventually do come to their attention. How many questions actually get past their automated defenses and get through to the gnomes? Is it just one guy behind the curtain laughing as he fends off the general public? Or are there an army of gnomes? Who are these people? Where are they? Do they work together in some sort of call center, or are they scattered all over the world, working at home in their pajamas?

On second thought that would be a very boring movie. But I still want to know. Maybe just an expose’ on Hard Copy or something.

Take Me Home Country Roads

This may be illegal but I can’t help myself … someone sent me this reggae cover of John Denver’s “Country Roads” and as soon as I opened it I got all emotional. Probably because of the recent funeral in West Virginia, which marked the last surviving relative of mine there, meaning I’ll likely never be back. My childhood is so entwined with memories of frequent trips to the backwoods of West Virginia that somehow this reclaiming or reaffirming of the song fills me with nostalgia.

Little Green Men Debunked

I recently posted about my experiences with sleep paralysis and my belief that people who think they were abducted by aliens were really just experiencing sleep paralysis, and now a Harvard Professor is posing the same theory. And she’s getting hate mail for it from believers.

And incidentally I haven’t had any episodes lately, though last night I did have a nightmare so bad that I woke up at 3am and turned the light on and kept it on until morning. I had dreamt someone was trying to get into my room. After falling asleep again I dreamt that I sang backup for a single put out by Boogie Down Productions and they didn’t credit me so I was suing them for royalties. And I won.

Switching Sides

I once told someone that watching Control Room made me ashamed to be American. Looks like starring in the film had that effect on someone as well:

Josh Rushing, who was stationed in Doha at the United States central command media office and later gained an international profile in the documentary Control Room, will be based in Washington DC in an unspecified role for the English language version of the Arab satellite news channel, which starts broadcasting early next year.

Rushing left the US Marine Corps after 14 years disillusioned over its media management and became an independent commentator.

“In a time when American media has become so nationalised, I’m excited about joining an organisation that truly wants to be a source of global information,” Rushing said.

from the Guardian, via chuck

Luv

The Lonely Americans

Tonight I watched The Lost Boys of Sudan and it’s a film that won’t leave my thoughts. The film is much more about America than about these Sudanese refugees, and what it reveals about the American experience, through the fresh eyes of immigrants, is quite unsettling. Very subtly the film shows the way success in America requires isolation from community and support–the only person who is successful is Peter, who succeeds by suddenly leaving behind his friends in Houston and moving to Kansas on his own, living with a white host family in the suburbs, and getting an education. Meanwhile the friends he leaves behind, all living together in Houston, remain in low-paying menial jobs barely able to make rent. One has “success” but is lonely and isolated, the others have no outward “success” but have the love and emotional support of community. Acting out of self-interest rather than group interest is what it takes to succeed. Peter even stops sending money to his sister in Africa, and calls her less and less frequently, and defends his right to self-improvement when she calls to criticize him. The friends Peter left behind were hurt and angry at his abrupt departure, but he doggedly pursued his plan of self-improvement and he “made it”–a perfect image of “the American Dream.” Though I detect a subtle question mark at the film’s final frame–a shot of Peter in his cap and gown on graduation day–a question mark regarding the definition of “success.”

The immigrants all discuss how difficult it is for them to make friends, that Americans are not receptive, that everyone is “always busy, busy,” and they learn quickly that in America two men cannot walk in public holding hands, as they did regularly in Africa … sign after sign of the lack of community here, the isolated and isolating nature of success-driven American life. Here you are “on your own,” they learn quickly.

All of this reveals pretty standard American individualist dogma, one might say. But watching this film I felt that Americans must be the loneliest people in the world. By design. (Though all my readings about Japanese culture tell me that the Japanese might be the only population lonelier than we.)

Bloggy Wedding

Tonight I crashed an infamous blogger wedding party at the Charles Hotel and had drinks with the illustrious logansdave and tomorrow my feet will star in an MIT motion picture. Right now I must try to sleep without puking.

Film Director to Save the World

I just signed up for a meditation class and shortly thereafter, separately, I got an email announcing David Lynch was coming to town on a tour of the country to talk to students about putting Transcendental Meditation into their lives, to reduce stress and bring about world peace. He’s also starting a foundation–David Lynch Foundation for Consciousness-Based Education and World Peace–that will train professional peacemakers. Go David!

For those who may be interested in his appearance, here are the details:

Cutler Majestic Theater, Emerson College
Saturday, October 1, 7:30 PM
talk on “Consciousness, Creativity, and the Brain”

The award-winning filmmaker of such classics as Elephant Man, Blue Velvet,
Twin Peaks, and Mulholland Drive is coming to the Majestic Theater at
Emerson College on Saturday, October 1st at 7:30 PM to talk to the students
of Boston.  Lynch is on a national tour of college campuses to announce the
founding of the David Lynch Foundation and a multi-million dollar research
program aimed at reducing stress and improving academic performance.

Lynch will be joined at the talk by quantum physicist Dr. John Hagelin, who
was featured in the hit documentary “What the Bleep Do We Know?” and
neuroscientist Dr. Fred Travis, director of the Center for Brain,
Consciousness and Cognition at Maharishi University of Management.

Lynch recently launched the David Lynch Foundation for Consciousness-Based
Education and World Peace-a national nonprofit organization dedicated to
bringing the benefits of stress-reducing meditation to students and the
learning environment (www.davidlynchfoundation.org).

As one of the most creative, independent and successful movie makers in
Hollywood, Lynch will discuss what has allowed him to make uncompromising
films in an industry based on compromise. He feels much of his success is
based not only on his directorial skills but techniques he uses to increase
creativity and avoid stress.

Lynch, who is in the midst of directing his new film, the Inland Empire,
will speak to Boston area students on “Consciousness, Creativity and the
Brain”.

And here is an exchange I like from an interview with Lynch. The interview is actually about his meditation:

I read that you once ate daily at Bob’s Big Boy in L.A. for eight years. Are you still dining there?
I went there at 2:30 every day for a chocolate shake. I purposefully went at 2:30 because lunch had stopped long enough so the machines that made the shakes could get cold again, and I’d try to get a perfect shake. I still go to Bob’s once in a while, and I really like their food, and they’re a very nice place to go, nice people.

So So Good Snack

buy it at Harnett’s, Harvard Square.

UPDATE: I also bought some vegan jerky strips that were also soso good.

The Joys of Exclusion

I just walked past the office of an administrator here who had a grad student in her office–the two are native-Italian speakers and were chattering animatedly in Italian. I love listening to it. I don’t even want to have it translated. I just like the sound, and I like the idea that these two people who otherwise would have little in common and little reason to speak have this private connection here, in this department, so far away from home. And for some weird reason I like the feeling of exclusion, or of mystery, I don’t know what you would call it, that comes from what they’re saying. It reminds me of my best friend from high school’s family, back in Maryland, at whose house I spent lots and lots of time. They are Armenian, her parents came here after they were married so they speak primarily Armenian around the house. I recall many many dinners at their house where I didn’t understand a single word, and didn’t mind…especially with such great home-cooked kebab and taboule and hummus and pilaf to devour. At one point I recall my friend’s dad addressing me in Armenian, and my friend translated: “He says he wonders if you secretly speak Armenian, he looks at you and he thinks you understand what they’re saying, you’re smiling and nodding in all the right places.”

Toy Store Balloon

Here’s an excerpt from the book The Secrets of Mariko, a book about Japanese culture that I’m reading for a class. The chapter is about Japanese schools and the breakneck pace that even elementary students are expected to maintain, “It is a tight regime that does not encourage personal dreams, experimentation, individual variety, or idealism.” Here the writer describes a scene in an elementary school that gave me an awwwww moment:

Moving quickly, she read the rest of the story to the class herself…Sensei was not wasting a minute, and now she called individual students to the front blackboard to write kanji they had learned in the story. Soon a girl was chalking out the kanji for the word “designate,” written with seventeen strokes. …Arithmetic was next. Problem: 215 people have to blow up 2,580 balloons. How many balloons for each?
      “I saw a great balloon at the toy store,” a boy offered from the back of the class. Sensei ignored him, not breaking her pace.

Ouch

bleedingmay swenson

stop bleeding   said the knife.i would if i   could said the cut.stop bleeding   you make me messy with this blood.i'm sorry said   the cut.stop or i will   sink in farther said the knife.don't said the    cut.the knife did   not say it couldn't help it but it sank in farther.if only you   didn't bleed said the knife i wouldn't have to do this.i know said   the cut i bleed too easily i hate that i can'thelp it i   wish i were a knife like you and didn't have to bleed.meanwhile  stop bleeding will you said the knife.yes you   are a mess and sinking in farther said the cut i willhave to   stop.have you   stopped by now said the knife.i've almost   stopped i think.why must you  bleed in the first place said the knife.for the reason   maybe that you must do what you must do said the cut.i can't stand    bleeding said the knife and sank in farther.i hate it too   said the cut i know it isn't you it's meyou're lucky to  be a knife you ought to be glad about that.too many cuts   around said the knife they're messy i don't knowhow they stand   themselves.they don't said   the cut.you're bleeding   again.no i've stopped   said the cut.  see you're coming out now theblood is drying   it will rub off you'll be shiny again and clean.if only cuts     wouldn't bleed so much said the knife coming out a little.but then knives      might become dull said the cut.aren't you bleeding     a little said the knife.i hope not said the    cut.i feel you are just     a little.maybe just a little      but i can stop now.i feel a little       wetness still said the knife sinking ina little but then      coming out a little.just a little maybe    just enough said the cut.that's enough now     stop now do you feel better now said the knife.i feel i have to       bleed to feel i think said the cut.i don't i don't have    to feel said the knife drying now becoming shiny.

via orange

Phew

Oh it’s like Mt. Sinai has been lifted from my shoulders, my BJFF work
is done! I sent off the edited essays, my letter-from-the-editor, and
just now cleared over 500 emails from my inbox (and into a file for
safekeeping). There’s nothing like the feeling of a job completed.
Especially one that has has been pressing on you for months. It’s done,
it’s done! Now come to the festival in November and check it out.

Quote of the Day

“Just because it’s cruel doesn’t mean it’s true.”
–anonymous friend o’mine

More Me And You

A quote I like about Me And You And Everyone We Know, ripped from the Amazon.com review:

Richard
is desperate to be a good father to his seven- and 14-year-old sons,
both of whom have experiences that push Me and You
to an almost perverse level of audacity, but July handles their
potentially troubling scenes with such delicacy and tact that they seem
almost miraculously innocent. The whole film is like that: It never,
ever goes where you think it’s going to go, and every scene tingles
with humor, affection and curiosity for its characters.

Denise Austin, Sex Therapist

Denise Austin, who sends me ridiculous inspirational quotes each morning, sends me this one today:

“Maintain focus beneath the belly button! You only need to make a small motion to achieve a maximum effect!”

Update on Religious Freak

You may recall many months ago I was looking for an old friend online and thought I found him, and sent him an email, and got something back from a religious freak:

Dear madam–

I do not know who you are, nor can I help you find
the person for which you are looking.  I will, however, tell you that I
work at a Catholic school and I find your vulgar language shocking.  In
the future, if you are unclear as to who you are sending an e-mail to, you
should omit all profanities.  

I will pray for you since you are
obviously a wayward sinner.  God bless.

I wasn’t sure if it was my friend pulling my leg, but it turns
out it wasn’t. I only today found out that he’s actually my friend’s
uncle. He says “don’t mess with that guy, he scares me.” He says he’s
part of the Opus Dei faction that plays the bad guy in the Da Vinci
Code, sending assasins to kill people. “I asked my uncle if that was
true and he said ‘Don’t ask me about my business,’” he said.

Me And You

I’ve been seeing some movies lately. I got into a friendship-testing argument with a good friend over one of them, that should tell you it’s worth seeing. It’s Miranda July’s Me And You And Everyone We Know. I loved it, my companion hated it, and was actually angry with me for liking it at all, much less loving it so completely. We argued and eventually I said “Why are you angry?” That punctured the conversation and we then decided to talk about something else. I never did get a reason for why it caused anger, but I think it was personal. And this is a film that will certainly provoke a very personal response in anyone who sees it. I like everything that Cinetrix has to say about it, especially the film’s gentleness. It’s a film that flirts with some very disturbing themes, but dances so lightly that it never crosses the  line. It is a low-fi work of art, a finely crafted one at that, a “House of Mirrors” or “Hall of Echoes” as my former Professor Carney would say. It is adorably creative, original, clever, inventive.

I most liked the film’s layering of the child-like and adult, of the purity of love with the raunch of sex, which is the film’s overarching structure. The film lays the two side by side, but never really blends them, over and over again–from the frightening yet touching and funny online chat relationship between a six-year-old boy and a 40-year-old woman, to the discomforting-yet-not-quite-dangerous flirtation between two teenage girls and a 30-ish man, to the childlike and playful nature displayed in the adult characters of Christine and Richard. And it is of course all summed up perfectly in the film’s infamous slogan, “Back and forth forever.” Loneliness, love, and the desire to connect is universal and age-blind, the film seems to say. That seems too simple, though, and I need to think more on this. All of these age-inappropriate relationships are doomed, they reveal the desire to connect without allowing it to ever actually happen. We as viewers don’t want, nor does the film want, for a 6-year-old boy to start a real-life love relationship with a 40-year-old woman. But their ability to connect in some ethereal way reveals that much of the time we really are just big kids walking around in adult bodies. Or, perhaps, that we should be. Child-like, but not childish. It is the openness and curiousness and creativity of a child that this film celebrates, and tries to protect, even in the bodies of lonely adults. Therefore it is the two characters who retain their child-like nature who do manage to connect, appropriately, while the others in aborted age-inappropriate relationships seem to have at least been awakened to that part of themselves they have left behind. And it is implied they are changed by it, and will move on in their lives now carrying it with them rather than letting it sleep.

I tend to dislike films that position two people as absolute soulmates destined for each other, which this film does–I like a little more reality in my fairy tales. I believe there are a few dozen people out there that we each are compatible with and it is our own readiness (or not-readiness) that determines whether someone is right for us. But in this film for some reason I didn’t find it grating. Perhaps it’s because at one point the male love interest actually takes Miranda to task for her silly Amelie-like behavior, injecting some reality into the fairy tale. (And also providing material for another terrific line that reveals the child-adult theme: “He turned out to be a child-killer,” she says to a friend, after he “killed” her child-like attempts to connect with him.)

I also discovered that Miranda July has a blog. I like her.